SPR from Tumblr. On Waterfall. Neat!
Cool I finally resurrected this blog from the ashes of nothing because I need to vent about my boyfriend and I's relationship and he follows my tumblr and possibly my twitter so I can't vague about him without upsetting him.
Usually it's fine, but this time it isn't because this is in regards to us possibly going on a break or breaking up.
I love him. I deeply, honestly do. Thinking about us breaking up hurts like a motherfuck.
I think I'm going to have to.
I love him, and we've been together probably 10 years by now. We started out in high school, which is cute and lovely, but it does mean we've grown up and changed. A lot. I definitely needed him back then, and if it wasn't for him, I don't know if I'd still be here today. Nothing's gonna change that.
Loving him is a chore now. Like, I'm the one always organising to go places. I admit, i can be a bit of a control freak in that respect, but I can barely remember when he's said 'oh this movie's playing, do you want to come see it with me?' I've always asked him, bought the tickets. I can't remember him prompting me to do things if forget, like: 'hey what happened to X that you wanted to go to', or if he has it's been way too late.
And I'm so tired
I've got enough in my own life, looking after myself, a flat, a job, chores, that suddenly the cost/benefit analysis of him has slanted more into 'cost'. I mean, he was fine when I was living with my parents and just had work, although even then it was starting to strain. Now? I just don't have the energy.
I love him but I barely touch him now. His hugs are great, but I kinda have to...let myself relax into them. Kisses are more 'yeah I should do this'.
That's kinda proving that we're at the end of the line, really. That and the fact I really, really am tired of talking to him on Discord and over text. I suppose that could be solved by taking a break, but...I no longer feel the need to talk to him, as awful as that sounds.
So I'm going to have to chat to him, tell him about my feelings, and then I'm gonna have to say that I think we need to take a break. Or break up.
I'm going with the former currently. Mostly because the latter is going to be catastrophic. For both of us.
I like to think I'll be able to logic my ass out of this but I've gotta be realistic and honest - I won't. It's going to emotionally destroy me. It's going to suck and I'm going to cry and hate myself and people are all going to be in our business (although considering we're ghosts on Facebook, perhaps we'll scoot by unnoticed).
And it's going to fucking destroy him.
That's my sticking point. I'd been wanting to talk to him face to face about it because it's only fair, but COVID's put that plan to bed so Discord chat it is.
Thing is, the reason why it's going to be so awful for him is the reason that, well, I'm having to pull away. He just does nothing. He has an anxiety to the point where he sticks and routine and gets stuck and doesn't do anything - and I'm not gonna talk shit on him for that because hey I have that too.
But the thing is, I seem to be able to do things. Sure, it takes me a while, but I can put my foot down and do things. Move along. And my bf...doesn't. To be fair to him, getting a house in the climate before COVID was a nightmare, especially on your own, but I managed it! Through some miracle, but I managed it!
So he just seems to just do nothing and I have to be his driving force and I've just - I only got enough spoons for me, I can't drive the both of us! That's why I got my flat on my own.
And I think that was when the breakdown began.
I've been putting it off and off and off, but now he's finally called me out on my lackluster replies to his texts and conversations, and now...now I gotta tell him. There's gotta be a reckoning.
So. The plan is to lay my cards out on the table. I like him and love him but I'm getting the impression this relationship is no longer what it once was, and I think we need at least break from one another. Step away from one another. Or, if need be, break-up.
I have a feeling a break-up will occur, at some point. It's less 'if' and more 'when' now. But I'm soft as fuck and I'm gonan give him an olive branch. Because I love him, and I haven't a spine to speak of. Maybe he'll be the better man and break up with me, but I doubt it.
This isn't a fault of either one of us. I just don't think at this time at this state of our lives, that we are right for one another, and it would be better if we were just friends. Or out of each other's lives. That would hurt. Unbelievably, totally. But maybe it would be for the better?
I don't know. Maybe I will be letting my soulmate go. Perhaps. But maybe I'm setting us free. The trap is thinking that no-one else will accept all the foibles I have, like not shaving my legs or the fact I write fanfiction. There's bound to be another person who could accept me. And if not, is being single really so bad? I mean, there's definitely benefits to being a couple, but like...loads are people are single and they live just fine, so...
This gonna suck.
Edited my Horde characters thing because I was a numpty and forgot Draggka/Khadgar's babies.
A fool is me!
SPR's Alliance Characters
Ximarra Bloodworth ♀ Kul Tiran Druid (Feral)
Daughter of a tidepriest and a fisherman, imagine their surprise when thier daughter instead had a connection to the wilds. She spends her life protecting her people and the wilds from those that would threaten them. To this end, she lost an eye to a witch in Drustvar, leaving her with an understandable dislike of them and a lack of depth perception. She has since left Kul Tiras to explore the rest of Azeroth and help the Alliance.
Vandorn Allerton ♂ Worgen Hunter (Beast Mastery)
A member of a middle class hunting family that bred mastiffs, Vandorn and his companion Corso were sent to Gilneas’s capital to get some help against the wild worgen roaming around the countryside. When he ended up getting cursed to become a worgen, Corso helped lead people to him to regain his mind. Vandorn prefers his worgen form, due to its enhanced senses, but will return to human form to settle people’s fears. He is a cousin of Fenrissa.
Ichtaca Nightwhisper ♀ Night elf Demon Hunter (Havoc)
A quiet child of scribes who held a deep, seething rage for the demons who threatened her home, Ichtaca ran away from home to follow Illidan and gain the power needed to stop the demons once and for all. After years in stasis, she was more than happy to tear through the Legion’s hordes in their 3rd invasion, but also managed to reunite with her parents. She managed to save them from Teldrassil’s burning, but the event ignited a hatred for the Horde as strong as that for the Legion.
Chiuza ♀ Draenei Monk (Windwalker)
Daughter of one of the few Jed’hin practitioners on the Exodar, Chiuza learnt a distorted version of it in a bid to keep the ancient sport alive. She later converted these teachings when she happened upon a Pandaren monk travelling Azuremyst. Serene and calm, she aims to help the Alliance whenever she can, and help her people forge a new home on Azeroth, rediscovering their lost ways and culture as she does.
Fenrissa Harrington ♀ Worgen Rogue (Assassin)
A cousin of Vandorn, Fenrissa is a rebellious middle class woman who’d rather be stealing shit and causing trouble than...doing anything her parents want her to do, like marry well. And not cause trouble. Being afflicted by the worgen curse was even worse to them, but a blessing for Fenrissa - it let her step out of Gilneas see the wider world and help the Alliance...if they pay her well. Unlike her cousin, she prefers her human form, until it’s time to hunt down a mark.
Yuuming Rainpaw ♀ Pandaren Shaman (Elemental)
Gentle pandaren shaman of the Wandering Isle, who would have been happy to while away her time listening to the elements and writing poetry had the Alliance and Horde not cross onto the turtle. Joining the Alliance, Yuuming is honour-bound to help them, though she nurses no dislike for the Horde. Only the parts of it that threaten Azeroth, and those that do will suffer the wrath of the elements.
Izomat ♂ Draenei Death Knight (Unholy)
He was once a justicar who fell in battle against the Lich King, raised and horribly perverted into a death knight. Due to this, Izomat’s morals and personality was shattered, and all that is left in its place is a dark, cynical man, who will do whatever it takes to achieve his goals. After all, he’s already committed grievous sins; what’s a few more? Despite this, he’s driven to protect his race and by a lesser extent, the Alliance.
Zyesimi Solbeam ♀ Void elf Warlock (Destruction)
A rebel since she was young, Zyesimi has both a hunger for knowledge, and a self-confidence that is impervious to what others think about her. She not only dabbled in the Fel arts, she decided to add the Void to it too, and thus was exiled from Silvermoon. She doesn’t really care - she didn’t think the sin’dorei belonged in the Horde anyway (whatever Sylvanas might think). She works for the Alliance out of convenience rather than true loyalty.
Sokla ♀ Lightforged Draenei Paladin (Retribution)
For a Lightforged that’s seen eons of death and destruction dealt out by the Legion, Sokla has a sunny disposition. She’s managed to keep a tight grip on her humour and general respect for life, and thus doesn’t exhibit any zealous streak, though she does dislike warlocks, for obvious reasons. She tinkers in her spare time, and is particularly enthralled by gnomish inventions on Azeroth.
Merian Darksteel ♀ Dark Iron Rogue (Combat)
General mischief and troublemaker. Merian exists to get into fights and win them with superior and canny bladework, though she can occasionally be found making an honest wage repairing daggers and knives. Despite her devil-may-care attitude, she’d found herself won over by the Alliance, and happily works and fights for them, wherever they ask her to go. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t ask for some extra coin, though...
SPR's Horde characters
Draggka ♀ Darkspear troll Hunter (Marksmanship)
Younger sister of Dranka, Draggka has protected Azeroth and its people with her loyal raptor companion Spike from the numerous threats that have arisen. During the campaign to stop Garrosh in the Alternate Draenor, she fell in love with Archmage Khadgar, they later married after the Legion’s 3rd invasion. Despite being loyal to the Horde, Draggka has unofficially left, due to Sylvanas’s actions. She is currently pregnant with her and Khadgar’s first child, Zal’ria.
Dranka ♂ Darkspear troll Druid (Feral)
Old brother of Draggka, he was presumed dead after being kidnapped by Zalazane’s thralls. However, he escaped and lived with the druids, becoming one himself. He finally returned to Draggka after the Echo Isles were retaken, and reintegrate himself into society. He was instrumental in getting his sister and Khadgar together, and looks upon the relationship favourably. After Draggka retired from adventuring due to her pregnancy, Dranka took up a Heart of Azeroth and the Speaker of the Horde mantle in her place.
Zal’ria ♀ Half-Troll Mage (Frost)
Oldest daughter of Draggka and Khadgar, she was accidentally conceived on their honeymoon, coming into the world sometime during the war between the Alliance and Horde. Raised both in Karazhan and Dalaran, she grew into an accomplished mage, not least due to her father and her Uncle Medivh, who has taken her under his wing as his apprentice. Although she identifies more with the Horde due to her mixed race, Zal’ria is not part of either faction, and refuses to engage in combat with any of them.
Khara ♀ Half-Troll Shaman (Enhancement)
Youngest daughter of Draggka and Khadgar, even though it seems the other way around, Khara was also a happy accident. Unlike her sister, however, she is boisterous and almost always ready for a fight - woe betide anyone who insults her family. Instead of the arcane arts, Khara heard the elementals, and was trained by several shaman to harness her powers. She is closer to the Horde than Zal’ria, but has refused to take the Blood Oath, under advice of her mother.
Harnaka Fireforge ♀ Orc Shaman (Enhancement)
An orphaned orc adopted by a troll and orc pair, Harnaka was going to follow in the path of her mothers by learning how to smith. The discovery of her connection to the elements led her to becoming a shaman, although she uses them in her smithing now. She has known Draggka since they both began inventing, and they are very close friends. She has recently began a relationship with Cayeli.
Aiyaona Grimtotem ♀ Tauren Paladin (Protection)
One of the few Grimtotem that remain in Thunder Bluff, Aiyaona constantly harbours guilt about her tribe’s actions, and tries do things so that other members of the Horde never question her loyalty (which is becoming challenged in light of Sylvanas’s leadership). Painfully shy, the only people she really opens up to are Draggka and her group of friends. However, she is getting much closer to the Highmountain tauren Jeipuh, and some suspect romance is in the air between them.
Elizabone ♀ Forsaken Warlock (Demonology)
Once a priestess of the Light, Elizabone turned to darker magics after her mind was freed from the Scourge, believing the Light had forsaken her in her darkest hour. Although possesses a cynical attitude, her time in the Plaguelands and long friendship with Draggka and the others softened Elizabone’s grudge against Life. She always wears a veil to cover the lower half of her face for a reason she will not divulge.
Cayeli Sunflare ♀ Blood elf Monk (Windwalker)
Cayeli is one of the two black sheep in her staunchly arcanist family - her older brother Solaen was lost and presumed dead, only to be revealed in the Legion’s 3rd invasion that he’d become a demon hunter. Choosing to learn to brawl with her bare hands and feet, she later refined these ways when the Pandaren came to Azeroth, becoming a monk. In a move that is likely to annoy her family further, she has began dating Harnaka.
Tinkerspring ♀ Goblin Priest (Holy)
In typical goblin fashion, Tinkerspring uses her ‘faith’ in the Light to make money, and when that doesn’t work, she has health potions to sell too. However, unlike her twin brother Fizzlespring (a mage who has a habit of setting fire to his debtors), she possesses a softer heart, and will occasionally treat people for free in dire situations. Her friends rely on her skills and appreciate her courtesy at not charging them for her healing powers.
Lasai Vustri ♀ Nightborne Mage (Fire)
A privileged mage in Suramar, Lasai subtly aided the Nightfallen resistance against Elisande by providing masquerades to rebels and arcwine to the needy, as well as sabotaging the disguises of Elisande’s infiltrators. Excited to explore the outside world, Lasai befriended Draggka and later managed to provide Khadgar with a Zandalari disguise so he could meet her in private. She also sews in her spare time, and made the magic carpet she relies on for transportation.
Jeipuh Proudleaf ♀ Highmountain Tauren Warrior (Protection)
Whilst Jeipuh came from a line of herbalists and druids, she decided to become a warrior, and distinguished herself enough to become one of Mayla Highmountain’s bodyguards. She met Aiyaona during the Legion’s 3rd invasion, and the two became fast friends. When Mayla granted Jeipuh indefinite leave, she joined Aiyaona to see the world beyond the Broken Isles.
Tamorn Mellowbrew ♂ Orc Monk (Brewmaster)
Orphaned as a baby, Tamorn was found by a Pandaren pair and raised as their own, hence his unusual surname and upright posture. He learnt the ways of a Brewmaster from his parents, and has become a loose friend of Draggka and her company, who often come to him if they need someone to distract the enemy. When not fighting, he is often formulating other brews or maintaining his hair and beard braids. Tamorn was wounded after the Battle for the Undercity, and has taken up carpentry while he recovers.
Razla Forewatch ♀ Mag’har Orc Hunter (Survival)
A member of the Warsong tribe from the alternate Draenor, Razla was only too happy to come to Azeroth, to test herself against the wilds. She used to hunt alone, until she came across a hyena she bonded with after it inexplicably defended her from an ambush. With Shenzi by her side, Razla continues her mostly solo exploits, helping the Horde only when its motives satisfy hers.
Jala’wi ♀ Zandalari Paladin (Retribution)
A prelate of Rezan, Jala’wi devotes her life to protecting Zandalar, though always nursed a curiosity about what was beyond the island’s shores. Her questions were answered by the arrival of the Horde, in the tow of Talanji. After Rezan was killed, she found a new Loa in the form of Torcali, drawing on her vow to protect her people. She has also now left Zandalar to protect her people from the threats that seek to destroy them and Azeroth. And seeing the rest of the world is a good bonus too.
0 Comfort wild stegasaurs are so funny, because they're busy raging around on the other side of the map, no fences to break or anything.
Like, you guys have fun, being mad at exactly nothing.
Since this blog is literally a blank slate, I might as well go back to basics and start posting lists of my OCs.
Gonna have to split my WoW characters in two though, since I have a bazillionity of them.